Interview with Larry the Cat – The Chief Mouser

HL: Sir Larry, thank you for agreeing to talk to us, we know how busy you are running the country. 

LC: No problem, old boy, and thank you for the 100 boxes of cat-nip flavour Dreamies. 

HL: You have now had six Prime Ministers since taking the job in 2011. Some unkind people would say you are the common factor for the short life-cycle Prime Ministers are suffering from over the past decade. 

LC: It’s not me Guv, honest! It’s the stupid MPs and Electorate who keep on sending me dross to work with. What is a cat supposed to do when the mice roaming around here have more charisma and political skills than the Prime Minister? 

HL: What are your thoughts on the latest developments at Number 10? 

LC: It was almost inevitable. The blighter moved in with one cat JoJo, but it was the thin-end of the wedge when he appointed Prince… some fluffy Siberian pretty-boy with blue eyes. There is only so much I will put up with, so he had to go. 

HL: Six PMs in 10 years is a lot even by Italian standards. What are your views on the previous ones? 

LC: Cameron did ok to start with but then he wanted to replace my continental caviar with some British cod roe. So, he had to go. 

The Mayhem (as I called her) didn’t have a clue what she was doing… the only thing strong and stable she put in was a new cupboard where my Dreamies are locked up. So, she had to go. 

Boris the buffoon turned this place into some sort of cheap Ibiza style 18-30 party venue with parties going on into the small hours when I am supposed to do most of my work and defend the place from mouse attacks. So, he had to go. 
Liz the lettuce… Where do you even start with her? She barely got here when she buggered up the economy and the price of Dreamies soared. The biggest problem with her was that she was in the pockets of the rats and as we all saw, the moment the good ship Truss hit some choppy waters, the rats were all overboard. So, she had to go. 

Then there is the worst one of the lot. That man Sunak showed up here with some flea infested mutt called Nova who thought he was going to waltz in here and run the gaff. We had some serious words on more than one occasion. I spoke to Sunak who promised to bring in a Dangerous Dogs Act, which he did but then exempted this foul mutt of his. So, he had to go. 

HL: What do you make of the next one, this Burnam character?

LC: Not a clue mate, I can’t understand a word he says. Apparently, he speaks Northern. From what I gather Northerners put ferrets down their trousers and if he thinks he is moving ferrets in here, he’ll last even shorter than Liz he lettuce.  

HL: So, Sir Larry are you really in charge? 

LC: You honestly are so thick, you could be PM mate. Of course I am!