The sad tale of Jim the Developer
Jim was a nice, jovial sort of chap. Very decent. Always got a round of drinks at the pub. He started his career as a Planning Officer in Downshire Council and then moved on to become a Planning Manager then a Planning Director and eventually ran his own company. He was a considerate developer. He met with the Parish Councils, he met with the Ward Councillors, he engaged with the local residents and he listened. He did good. There are Village Halls he built, there are allotments, there are play areas and all his applications provided policy compliant BNG and affordable homes.
But then, sadly, Jim passed away after a modest career. He never got his yacht in the Med, but he did have a nice house and drove a decent car. At his funeral people said nice things about him.
When Jim arrived at the Pearly Gates, he was greeted by St Peter who got the Great Book out to check if he was going through the Pearly Gates or down the smoky spiral staircase. St Peter was perplexed by what he read. Although Jim had led a good life and had done much good there was unfortunately a petition by some NIMBYs recommending that he should go down to the smoky stairs. But St Peter explained that it was a borderline case so he would be given the opportunity to consult. Jim could spend a day in heaven and a day in hell and then vote on where he wanted to spend eternity.
Jim went to Heaven and it was lovely. Little angels playing harps and singing and people floating around on fluffy clouds reading and chatting. Nice, but not terribly exciting. The next day Jim went to Hell and he was welcomed to the Club House with a cocktail. He spent the day playing golf (something he never had time for on earth) on a lovely golf course and at the end of the day he had dinner in the club house with lots of wine and entertainment.
The next day St Peter said to him, “well Jim, you saw the two offers, you have been consulted, now choose”. Jim naturally opted for Hell and said, “Hell just has bad PR, it’s the place for me!”. He went down the stairs and the gate shut behind him… the clubhouse had gone and was a torture chamber, the golf course a field of burning sulphur and the only food was tripe washed down with Australian red wine.
Jim was very unhappy and found Satan and said, “now look here, I was here yesterday, and it was lovely with a club house, good food, wonderful golf and I had a grand time! What’s happened?”
“Ah!” said Satan, “yesterday we were electioneering, today you voted for us!”
Poor Jim! As the summer holiday comes to an end, we are all back to the grindstone next week. Let’s work hard and be good people. Let’s talk to the local politicians and residents and be careful who we vote for!
Until next week,
Henry